Being one with itself, the Absolute has no way of experiencing itself in the way we usually associate with experience. Normally, when we think of experience, there is the sense of the experiencer, the thing experienced, and the experience itself. Now I say (and the masters also say) that this triad of experience, experiencer and thing experienced are all one play of the one consciousness. Yet once the consciousness or the beingness is operational in the body, that beingness – which is pure in essence – goes through a whole series of experiences. So for a while the beingness itself is expressing and experiencing all these diverse and changeful states: growing up, childhood states, youthful states… It has to go through it. All the rebelliousness, all the frustrations, every emotional expression will pass through. It’s still only the beingness experiencing it, but it experiences more intensely when it is clothed in the identification ‘I am the body, I am the person’ and this body mind identification that has been taken up by the beingness imprisons the beingness in this mode, ‘I am this person’. Yet whatever you are going through, the flow of thoughts and emotions, all the pleasures and predicaments of human life, are only sensations occurring in the beingness. Now the invitation of satsang, is always pointing the attention back, reminding: ‘You are only consciousnesses. The individuality is not true for you, it’s not stable, and it’s not your original state. It’s not constant, it’s the variable’. Anything you can say about yourself it’s not true.’ You will feel very strongly about some idea, emotional thing or judgment, but you are unable to stay put in that state because any state is changeful. You remain as the pure consciousness.
When the identification that the consciousness has formed with the body, and the belief ‘I am the body’ is present, consciousness doesn’t know itself as consciousness. It only becomes aware of itself at the body-mind level and so falls into confusion. The consciousness that is identified becomes the culprit in life. It’s only on the basis of the identification that we seem to pass through so many struggles, to feel separate, fearful, to fight and be in conflict with other people or, I would say, other ‘points of consciousness’. As you can see, this world has somehow come into a very troubled state; this is nothing more than various identifications consciousness has formed with the sense of an independent and separate ‘me’ as different from ‘other’.
You are fully this human being, you may say that. What can it mean ? It means that the consciousness operating within the framework of the qualities of the human form will have a certain field of identification and expression that is unique to the species human being. That’s fine. But also, as that consciousness, you are able to dive deep. Dive deep means to question yourself. Question not only what you are perceiving (which tends to take your attention outward), but question the perceiver, which is to take your question heart-ward. Dive deep and don’t give up deep diving until you have touched the base, the ocean-floor, the deepest place. When you touch this ocean floor, you will remain as ocean floor, as beingness. This beingness is nothing other than yourself. That yourself-ness is contained in this sensation, this natural, subjective, self awareness, ‘I am’.
The ‘I am-ness’ is the Godly principle in this form. When it associates with body and forms a secondary identity, it falls, you may say, from the Godly state to the earthly state. It falls from the heart to the mind. Don’t cling to these descriptions too tightly – they are only the fragrance. Catch hold of the scent. Let the scent lead you to the source from which it is coming. That source is only yourself.
Normally, some urge arises in the body and is perceived based upon the idea we have of our self, our conditioning, our unique value system, our former judgments and what we have learnt. Whatever arises in us passes through this filter of judgement – ‘that’s good’ or ‘this is bad’ – and we make much effort to control our conduct and behaviour. Normally this is fine, because if identification is very strong for us then we must follow the moral codes, we must have a sense of what is right and wrong; to forsake what is wrong and to take up what is right. This is the best way once identification is there: Do good, shun evil, meditate, eat healthily, exercise. All these things; they are good.
Whatever arises is pure sensation
But for the consciousness which has come home, returned to itself in purity, which has investigated the claims of separateness and personhood and through the living inquiry has seen with clarity that all these are thought formations, ideas and concepts, that have somehow been infused on the pure consciousness, it is recognized that consciousness by itself has no quality. These things aren’t inherent in you really, but appear only through the identification, and it’s upon the identification that these qualities impact. But who is the ultimate seer ? Something witnesses all of this, watches the passing and the arising of all these thoughts that were formerly thought to be concrete and real, yet are now seen to be the play of mood. There is a stream of sensations arising in the consciousness, but it’s now understood ‘that is not me’. For that consciousness, it is very different: There is no need to suppress anything and no need to control. Because simply, one realizes it’s all formations of identification. So now an urge arises to smoke, or go out or something, but if the identification is not there, no judgement is arising. It’s understood simply as a movement in the beingness, as the desire of the beingness, whether the flavour is beautiful or not. And the one who will evaluate beauty or not beauty is not present. So whatever arises is pure sensation stripped of the meaning that would have been given to it by conditioning. It arises within beingness as pure sensation. There is nothing to resist or fight against, because there is no other for there even to be the sense against. All is sensations in consciousness. Who can describe the state of such a one ? By what are you limited ? The body is there; because the body is there, consciousness is there, life-force is there, thoughts, sensations are going to be present. The ocean contains everything: water, fish, bubbles, waves, shells – every kind of creature comprises ocean. Similarly, all sort of expressions, movements, qualities are inherent in the ocean of consciousness. The name of that ocean is ‘I am,’ . I am. Yet you are beyond the words ‘I am’. Because even to say I am, you are already there to hear I am. I am is only a label, a sign pointing to that which you are. What are you ? Anything that you can say you are, you cannot be. Who is saying ‘I am that’ or ‘I am not that’ ? Again, I don’t expect an answer.
In the question itself, the mind is pointed again to the source.
Source is all there is. And all of this is only to bring the attention to the source. Source is the source of everything. You as this source, the original one, self-containing all peace, all joy, stillness, unshakeable, infinite, eternal. All these are, you may say, the nature of that which is. That which is cannot be pointed to or conveyed by any term, any word. It is alone by itself. I am that. I am the indescribable, untouchable, unknowable, beyond experiencing of the mind. Stripped of every definition, every title, every association, and all quality. Stripped of whatever is perceivable phenomenally, stripped of the five elements and their play. I am. Not ‘I will be’. Because I cannot speak of myself as ‘I was’ or ‘I shall be’. I am is the most truthful expression. It is the very vapour that arises out of this infinite beingness. Stay here. For those who have come here, whatever arises for you, the invitation is to touch base, dissolve, and be as base. Thereafter, do what you like. That’s not my concern.
know yourself as this beingness
It’s not my interest, because activities are not contrary to truth. But activities that are fashioned or claimed by the sense of separateness or identity are bound to cause trouble, because the idea that oneself is a specific so-and-so and the belief behind that conviction is total delusion, totally illusory, it’s not true. First that identification must be baptised in this seeing – this seeing that is being. You must know yourself as this beingness. Not in an intellectual way, but by dissolving the identity. How is the identity to be dissolved ? By recognizing that whatever notions I have about myself and truth are simply notional, they are not true. I discard, I reject them. Whatever thoughts arise, and the temptation to encapsulate a sense of myself in them. ‘No, cannot be me’.
How to find this ? Don’t touch any thought. Don’t touch a single thought; as it arises, keep your mind in neutral. Stay as emptiness. That emptiness, anything can wash up in it. All these sensations are swimming up and through it, all these bubbles are flowing up to the surface in it, and they must be. Don’t touch them. There was a time when you will not feel able to do this; and then you will see ‘I am not able to do this’ is also a thought. I do nothing. I remain only as this. This is silence. This truly is silence, effortless silence. But initially, because of the tendency to identify with mind and with doership, with the sense ‘I am the doer’, you will miss this truth. Because the inclination of a doer is to do something about it. ‘What must I do ?’ Here I am saying ‘Do nothing, remain only as this‘. Stay empty, observe. Whatever thought is arising, whatever sensation, you are not going to be a traffic policeman in them. ‘The ‘I’ itself who would try to suppress and push is only the way I have learnt to be, what I have accustomed myself to believe in as myself. And I see clearly now that that is just a thought arising in me. Now I don’t touch that’. What remains ? What remains ? That I am. ‘I’ as any information, ‘you’ as any information is nothing at all; not true.
What is true ? What remains when there is no ‘I am…, you are… Take nothing to be yourself, and yourself will remain. It is so, whether you realize it or not. Realize it and live in the fullness of emptiness.
Up until now, you were under the impression that the thoughts you had were about you. You have seen the price and the cost of indulging such thoughts. They have brought you nothing but misery. They have been full of promises to a better life, increased enjoyment and success in this world. Some lucky few have seen through this and seen it’s not like that. These promises have been like the promises of politicians – very sweet, but they don’t come to fruition, they don’t bring what they claim. You have seen through this and felt the impact of the burden of unfulfilled promises and desires. Thus your very disappointment has brought you to Satsang, has brought you here.
I am satsang. This is not a personal statement. I am satsang. The play of satsang arises in me, and you have come to satsang. This satsang is not a place. There is no map to get here. This satsang is not taking place at 12 Fairview House; this satsang is taking place in you. This ‘I am’ is your own self. Consciousness has presented you with this wonderful opportunity: Return to me. This ‘me’ is your own self. Don’t touch anything. Don’t keep company with any thought. Throw away everything. Throw away also your very self, the thoughts you have about yourself, and stay only as that which remains.